It’s been seven months since the last time I put something on here… my fault.
A lot has happened since the last time I checked in. packed up the room at my parents house, copped a one way ticket to Texas, and shed a few thug tears; left my family and everything that was comfortable and familiar in Baltimore. After a couple of days I got the keys to my first lor apartment. Before I moved all my stuff in, I laid on the same air mattress that I spent the last 8 months in Boston (shout out to 1161 apt. 3) “sleeping” on, trying to make sense of how wild the ride has been so far.
I got four journals from the past fo’fih’ years with some version of (I will be an NBA team photographer) written various times between random personal goals and thoughts. You just don’t know if it’s really going to happen though, you feel me? You kind of put it in your mind and try. You take the lumps, you try and get better, you get rejected, you try some more, you lose a job, you try some more. Your belief starts to waver. You go back to the drawing board and come back a lot bit stronger with a new approach. You check back in the game. You miss a few shots, people throw no-look assists from out of nowhere. Everything stands still for a while. You feel like you’re running in place for a minute. Then one thing turns into another and it gets real and stuff starts happening for you. Then comes a jumbo half and half of Kendrick’s ELEMENT and FEAR, light ice.
It’s perplexing yo, you think of the circumstances and systems that work for and against you. And it all kind of culminates in a sense of gratitude, gives you something else to help you stay grounded, and in a weird way it inspires confidence.
All of those things king of help me with my approach. Really when you look at the landscape, I’m not supposed to be here. But on top of being intrinsically motivated to reach whatever my fullest potential is, I also want to be a positive representation of my family, my city (Baltimore), my high school (Baltimore Polytechnic Institute), and my small lor hbcu (Norfolk State). Hopefully what I’ve been able to do can, in some way, help kids back home go for it and to not give up on it, whatever their it is. That’s my why/purpose. I’m just not out here trying to make a living, not out here just making pictures just because it’s my job to. When I feel like I’m not making interesting stuff or whatever the case may be, I try and remind myself of the why and that’s what keeps me going. Trying to make it easier for kids in high school right now to make their dreams seem possible for themselves too.
As far as the work is concerned. I’ve been figuring things out along the way. This season I’ve been tried to be mindful of pace, picking my spots. In basketball terms, I’ve been trying to “let the game come to me”. I’m a part of a good group. I get to travel and see places I wouldn’t have visited otherwise. I see how these guys prepare and all that and try and implement the same discipline into what I’m doing. But I’m a rookie so-to-speak so there’s some things I’m learning and working through.
I don’t know, these aren’t meant to be well crafted but here’s my favorite frame from the first half of the season, and some mood music